"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

***A Quote From The Velveteen Rabbit


I Can't Even Process This Right Now


Soooooooo....The Shakti Fall Retreat is this weekend, and my roommate is out of town. I need someone to watch over my dogs for me while I am attending, so I asked the people who live in the separate guest home behind my house today if they could take care of it for a day while I am gone, and they said of course! They know why I am at Shakti, they know about my battle with meth, and have been very supportive of me in my recovery so far. I thought I had this weekend worked out until a few minutes ago.

My girl wanted outside so I went to let her out and to my surprise, my neighbor's door was slightly open, they usually have the door shut at this time. I could see in, it's in my direct line of sight from my back door and I wasn't trying to look, but it just happens that they were sitting right inside with a guest, and low and behold, right in front of the door, one of them was holding a pipe. It was the type of pipe used to smoke crystal meth. It's definitely no mistake on my part, it's an obvious difference from a marijuana pipe, which isn't ok either, but jeeze! I guess they didn't think I could see in, because they didn't try to conceal it at all.

I'm so freaked out right now, I can't even begin to deal with this in my mind. I mean, really? I don't know what to say. I feel sick, and freaked out, and just confused. I can't consciously leave my little ones in their care, I feel so weird knowing that it's right outside my back door. I feel nauseous, I just don't know. I just don't know! I'm feeling upset, confused, sick and like I don't know up from down. I'm going to bed, but I needed to get this off my chest, I can't deal with the thought of what's going on in my own backyard! My mind isn't racing like it usually does, it's almost like I am drawing a blank right now. I don't know what to do. :-(


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