I Can't Even Process This Right Now

ORIGINALLY POSTED:   September 23, 2009   ON SHAKTI YAHOO COMMUNITY

Soooooooo....The Shakti Fall Retreat is this weekend, and my roommate is out of town. I need someone to watch over my dogs for me while I am attending, so I asked the people who live in the separate guest home behind my house today if they could take care of it for a day while I am gone, and they said of course! They know why I am at Shakti, they know about my battle with meth, and have been very supportive of me in my recovery so far. I thought I had this weekend worked out until a few minutes ago.

My girl wanted outside so I went to let her out and to my surprise, my neighbor's door was slightly open, they usually have the door shut at this time. I could see in, it's in my direct line of sight from my back door and I wasn't trying to look, but it just happens that they were sitting right inside with a guest, and low and behold, right in front of the door, one of them was holding a pipe. It was the type of pipe used to smoke crystal meth. It's definitely no mistake on my part, it's an obvious difference from a marijuana pipe, which isn't ok either, but jeeze! I guess they didn't think I could see in, because they didn't try to conceal it at all.

I'm so freaked out right now, I can't even begin to deal with this in my mind. I mean, really? I don't know what to say. I feel sick, and freaked out, and just confused. I can't consciously leave my little ones in their care, I feel so weird knowing that it's right outside my back door. I feel nauseous, I just don't know. I just don't know! I'm feeling upset, confused, sick and like I don't know up from down. I'm going to bed, but I needed to get this off my chest, I can't deal with the thought of what's going on in my own backyard! My mind isn't racing like it usually does, it's almost like I am drawing a blank right now. I don't know what to do. :-(